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ANGER!

I have a son that has 'rage disorder'. I don't know if you're familiar with this condition but it is not easy to desribe and even harder to deal with. What I see when he has his "rage" outbursts is his emotions and anger controlling him, instead of him controlling his emotions and anger. This is a serious disability of his and wreaks havoc on the whole family. It is likely that daily I am fighting off attacks. I have been stabbed, come at with an axe, had my home destroyed, all the windows broken out, doors busted, cars busted...am a prisoner to a nine-year-old (yes, he's only nine). Well, it is sad to watch because it is like watching him losing his life. The emotion and anger takes on a life of its own, as if it were an entity...its own identity if you will..and my son's life is lost as a helpless victim to this entity. He is scared and afraid and lonely and consumed with remorse and fear, but totally powerless to this 'rage'.

What I'm saying is HE cannot control his emotions and anger because that's what the disorder is about.. but you CAN control your emotions and anger instead of having them rule you. It is natural to feel some resentment, bitterness, or anger, yes, but to the point where your life is lost to the anger is not healthy for you. Certain anger, within reason, may be a motivator to move on...but excess anger is damaging and can actually keep you paralyzed and hold you prisoner to the painful hurt and grieving. As hard as it is you need to let go of the anger...holding onto it will not change anything, but letting go of it will gain you back the joy and happiness you deserve to feel. I'm sure you being a happy person who is at peace with their life is FAR MORE IMPORTANT to your well being then being stuck in feeling betrayed, cheated, scorned, and rejected!

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Learn to approach your ex (and, if this applies, your ex's new 'flame') with apathy and indifference. Fake it if you have to because even that little trick eventually works. You will feel better! Another suggestion is to join an alanon group in your area, or visit some sites on the web that deal with Codependency. Remember, YOU will walk away a better person because in this healing process we learn to LOVE ourselves and fix our faults. In Alanon, or other Codependent Support Groups, you will learn how to let go of him/her and give them back to themselves. Why spend so much time worrying about what's growing in their garden while yours is suffering terribly from neglect. Give them back their life and take control of yours...you only have this day forward and it is YOURS and YOURS alone. LIVE IT!

HUGS, TIGRESS

If you could see into your future
you'd skip right past these rough times...
...in your hurry to reach that beautiful place.~~Tigress Luv

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