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Thin is In!

Well here it is again. That "It's Bikini Time Again" time. You know, the one that falls between "Shape up for Spring" and "Take off those Holiday Pounds!" Which makes one wonder when we're not fat. Don't you just love those health club advertisements featuring slim and trim male and female models trying to entice you into joining. I wouldn't be caught dead in one of those places. FAT CHANCE! (No pun intended.) I picture all those models lined-up snickering at me when I walk through the door. If I wanted abuse like that I'd run for presidency. No. Those health clubs aren't for me. Everyone knows they're just for people that are already in shape!

Just last week I saw a commercial with one of those lovely young models boasting "I went from a size 8 to a size 4 in just two weeks!" Amazingly, I though size 8 was IT! The ultimate goal! SIZE 4!!! I haven't seen size 4 since I was 4. It's advertisements like that that make you want to hang it up and binge.

And how about those exercise tapes? They make me want to stick my finger down my throat. Give me "Sweating to the Oldies" anytime. I'd rather look at Richard than Cindy any day.

Don't you just love those women's magazines that boast "Lose 20 Pounds by Summer" on one page and then "100 Decadent Desserts for the Chocoholic" on the next? Talk about mixed messages! Personally, I'd be happy to get ANY swimsuit on that fits on the top and doesn't have a skirt on it!

But regardless, I definitely need to take off those holiday pounds (not the ones from this last Christmas, but the ones from the Christmas before). It's getting bad when my "FAT wardrobe" is my "THIN wardrobe".

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The older you get, though, the harder it is to lose those stubborn pounds. Being a former anorectic I thought I knew all the tricks to fast weight loss. Unfortunately, those tricks don't work anymore and I'm failing at starving myself. I always get a chuckle whenever I complain to my doctor that I can't lose weight in spite of having terrific willpower and an active lifestyle (he always lifts an amused eye when I say this). Do you suppose it's because I bake calorie-laden goodies for a living? I mastered a fiendish plot to open a chain of bakeries in the lobbies of all the Playboy clubs nationwide. I get vicarious pleasure out of watching people eat the food I make. Especially the skinny girls - you know, the ones with 'metabolism' (just what IS metabolism and where do I buy it?)

I recently figured that I wasn't too fat. Just too short. So, I've started a stretching exercise program. Hell, I figure it can't be any harder to get taller than it is to get thinner. I'll let you know if it works. With my luck I'll end up a fat Amazon.

If all else fails I can always move to Europe. I hear Europeans think American women are too skinny.

~~Contributed by Debbie Nowicki

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