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The Break Up
HOW TO GET RID OF YOUR LIVE-In
Take the batteries out of all the remotes in
Organize his workshop, dresser top, or other
Bribe his faithful dog away from him with a
steady diet of Ring Dings.
Shrink his underwear in the dryer and when he
complains, innocently suggest that he's gained a few pounds.
Stare at his forehead and when he notices, casually
ask if there is any history of male pattern baldness on his mother's side.
Repeatedly misplace the cordless phone, preferably
in a different room each time.
Loan his precious cellular phone to a pregnant
girlfriend who "needs it more than he does."
Insist upon a lot of "meaningful conversations."
Have your mother fly in for a month-long visit
Reverse his contact lenses in their case.
Snip a small hole in his fishing waders, then
follow him with a camera to capture his "sinking" on film.
Superglue the pages of his Little Black Book
Plan to throw a 'Tupperware Party' the same
time as the Super Bowl.
Speak to him VERY slowly and distinctively so
that he can understand.
Drop in on him at the gym to bring him a sweater.
As you hand it to him, tell him loudly that you noticed it was 'getting a
little bit chilly out'.
Tigress Luv, the Break Up Guru, answers to ALL your breakup questions!