AboutYourBreakup.com

MEN JOKES

When he asks you if he's your first tell him, "You may be, you look familiar."

Q. Why do men like love at first site?
A. It saves them a lot of time.

Q. Why are married women heavier than single women?
A. Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to
bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the
fridge.

Q.What's the similarity between a man and an uppercase Q?
A. They're both big fat zeroes with little dicks hanging off them.

Q. What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
A. Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Q. Why do men snore when they lay on their backs?
A. Because their balls fall over their asshole and they vapor-lock.

Q. How does a man show he's planning for the future?
A. He buys two cases of beer instead of one.

Q. How can you tell if a man is happy?
A. Who cares?

Q. Why do men tend to name their penises?
A. They want to be on a first name basis with anything that makes 95% of their decisions for them.

Q. Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive,
caring, and good-looking?
A. Because those men already have boyfriends.

Q. What do you call a man with half a brain?
A. Gifted.

Q. Do you know why men have holes in the end of their penises?
A. So oxygen can get into their brains.

Q. What is that insensitive bit at the base of the penis called?
A. Man.

Q. When would you care for a man's company?
A. When he owns it.

Q. How many men does it take to wallpaper a bathroom?
A. Three, if you slice them very thinly.

Q. How do you save a man from drowning?
A. Throw him an anchor.

Q. Why do men get married?
A. So they don't have to hold their stomachs in any more.

Q. What did God say after creating man?
A. I can do better.

Q. What are a woman's four favorite animals?
A. A mink in the closet, a Jaguar in the garage, a tiger in the
bedroom, and a Jackass to pay for it all.

Q. How do you get a man to do sit-ups?
A. Put the remote control between his toes.

Q. How do men sort their laundry?
A. "Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable".

Q. Why do men want to marry virgins?
A. They can't stand criticism.

Q. Why are blonde jokes so short?
A. So men can remember them.

Q. Why do men buy electric lawn mowers?
A. So they can find their way back to the house.

Q. How many men does it take to screw a lightbulb?
A. One--men will screw anything.

Q: Why are hurricanes usually named after women?
A: Because when they arrive, they're wet and wild, but when they
go, they take your house and car.

Q. What should you do if you see your ex-husband rolling around in pain on  the ground?
A. Shoot him again.

Q. How can you tell when a man is well-hung?
A. When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.

Q. How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. One - he just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.

Q. How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Three - one to screw in the bulb, and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.

Q. What do you call a handcuffed man?
A. Trustworthy.

Q. What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A. You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.

Q. Why do doctors slap babies butts right after they're born?
A. To knock the penises off the smart ones.

Q. Why does it take 100,000,000 sperm to fertilize one egg?
A. Because not one will stop and ask directions.

Q. Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
A. To stop the snoring before it starts.

Q: What's the best way to kill a man?
A: Put a naked woman and a six-pack in front of him.  Then tell him to pick only one.

Q: What do men and pantyhose have in common?
A: They either cling, run or don't fit right in the crotch!

Q: Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet?
A: Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.

Q: What is the difference between men and women...
A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.

Q: How does a man keep his youth?
A: By giving her money, furs and diamonds.

Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder to "instruction manuals"

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