Top 20 Ways to:
|20. Soak your underwear in the sink for two
19. Switch channels during the last five minutes of the show. Do this during every show.
18. Keep switching the cabinets where the dishes are kept with that of where the canned goods are kept. Everyday.
17. Smoke cheap cigars. Don't inhale, just puff a lot.
16. Smile - all the time.
15. Always flush the toilet exactly three times.
14. Listen to radio static.
13. Set your alarm for exactly 3:00 a.m. each night. Wake up and go in the bathroom. Make a lot of noise gargling, then go back to bed.
12. Whenever your ex comes in from the shower, lower your eyes and giggle to yourself.
11. Whenever you go to sleep, start jumping on your bed . . . do so for a while, then jump really high and act like you hit your head on the ceiling. Crumple onto your bed and fake like you were knocked out . . . use this method to fall asleep...every night for a month.
10. Ask your ex if he/she has ever looked into the eye's of his/her victim.
9. Whenever his/her parents call and ask for your ex, breathe into the phone for 5 seconds then hang up.
8. Buy five garbage cans and set them up in the kitchen. One for glass. One for paper products. One for plastics. One for aluminum. One for food scraps to be used as mulch.
7. Leave your computer on when you are not using it. Turn it off when you are.
6. Fake a medical emergency. When your ex gets the paramedics to come, pretend nothing happened.
5. Whenever the phone rings, get up and answer the door
4. Whenever someone knocks, answer the phone.
3. Whenever your ex walks in, wait one minute and then stand up. With an air of disdain, announce that you are going to take a shower. Do so. Keep this up for three weeks.
2. Leave the television turned on constantly, tuned into channels that don't exist.
1. Spend all your money on one type of thing (such as statues of pigs, pet rocks, throw pillows, house plants, tackle boxes, etc.). Leave them lying around everywhere.
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