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Is this why men can breakup with us sooo easy?

Because men look at the 'big picture' that is life and women look at the 'man/relationship'.

Because men can enjoy all of the spices of life-- while having a relationship is just an added bonus--not their be all! Even though they may care about woman, even love their woman immensely, they are still looking OUTSIDE of the relationship. They DON'T care what woman think. They still have hobbies. They still put their friends first. They still listen to music. They still watch sports games. They still go fishing on the week-ends. They still base importance on their career. They still approve of themselves whether the woman approves, or not. They still see the BIG PICTURE.

Women tend to focus on every little emotional inner detail of the relationship, i.e., "Do I look okay?" "Is my hair all right?" "Should I have sex?" "Am I performing well?" "Did that sound stupid?" "Is the food just perfect?" "How does the laundry smell?" "Is the house clean enough for him?" "Have I packed him a good lunch?" "Will he find me sexy in this negligee?" "Am I coming on too strong, weak, over-confident, meek, butchy, bitchy, demure?" "How does my makeup look?" "Will he spend time with ME tonight?" "I like his smile" "He is so cute" "He is so intelligent" "He is so self-assured" "He is so strong" "He is so this" "He is so that"

and...

....all the time they are completely oblivious to their surroundings...they get so wrapped up in the relationship that they forget about the other spices of life. They wrap everything up in their men and their relationships. Thus leaving the man the upper hand. He is now in a position to breakup with her and not feel like his world has ended, because he never DID make her his whole world. For her, if they were to breakup, her world has INDEED ended. For she has (subconsciously) made HIM her WORLD. But the men have the other spices of life to keep them happy... Sports, Friends, Pastimes, Hobbies, Music, Partying, Bowling, Golfing, Fishing, Working-out, Career, etc.

Hmmmm, scary thought. Are women that without a personality, without an identity of their own that they JUST CRUMBLE and fall apart when their "World" (relationship) ends?

Just a thought to ponder......Tigress

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Sister Christene from the Circle of Hope replies:

okay, men and women are different, but..

..I don't believe I made him my ENTIRE life. I do care if I look good. But I care if I'm going out w/ my girl friends or to work, too. I did like my home to be nice for him, but I do it for me also. I didn't put my life on hold for him, but it was enriched w/ him as a part of it.

I was a good girlfriend. I was his personal cheerleader. I often put his needs before, or right up there w/ my own. But, isn't that love? I enjoyed doing little things for him. And if I did something to make him smile, well, that felt wonderful! But isn't that love?

Since the breakup I have thought about this, ALOT. I am proud of the fact that I'm a good girlfriend. I won't change just because it didn't work out w/ him! Someday I will find someone who loves the fact that I send little cards for no reason. And that I am interested in how his day went. And that I'm sentimental,and know that it's the little things that mean the most.

I for one, refuse to play the game their way! They hold back. They are so afraid that they might be missing out on something. That we want to take something from them. To emasculate them! Maybe their testosterone makes them approach relationships like combat. With a winner and a loser. Well, we are women! We care deeply, we love deeply, we nurture. We shouldn't try to be more like them, I think we should try to show them that OUR way feels so much better...

....I just don't want us to think the way to not feel pain again, is not to love so deeply! Hopefully we learn to discriminate more wisely. To find the man who appreciates our efforts, rather than use our hearts against us. I know that they're out there. WE have to hone our "radar", that's all.

Thank you Christene for your insight!--Tigress

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Another Reader writes:

You've Said it All

in 4 paragraphs or less :-) Yep, we totally dedicate ourselves to making our man happy, and losing ourselves in the process. I have a few male friends who do exactly what you stated. They are living life to the fullest, while still enjoying the benefits of being cared for by the woman they live with...and also making female "friends" in the process. If the women they live with decided to call it quits, they would have at least 4 that they have become very close with to fall back on. I play spades quite a bit, and always have a "trick" or "trump" to fall back on just in case I can't make my bid....maybe I need to apply that theory to relationships so next time when things do not work out, I won't be lost again...

I have another male friend who says he will help me when I feel like I am ready to date again. One day I'm in his office...he says, "...do you know what I swear by and pulls out a bottle of white out. If I'm dating someone and something just isn't right or I feel something is wrong...I just "white them out!". I'm getting me a case of that white out...because I tend to overlook the imperfections that I know in the long run will end up to be the reason we break up.

Tigress, you go girl. One of these days I'll wake up :-)

Thank you for your valued opinion!--Tigress

READ THIS ARTICLE WRITTEN BY DAVE BARRY ON HOW MEN AND WOMEN THINK DIFFERENTLY!

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